Deception, Betrayal, Avowal
by 9thForever
Summary: Beth finds something unintended for her eyes, leading to an unfortunate mayhem and chaos. (Better summary once finished)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one:

Tears ran down her cheeks, much like the rain that crashed onto the window. Everything was wrong. How could this happen? She'd been the one to fuck up, somehow, she always was the problem. Anger, hurt, so many different emotions flashing through her head. But why?

Paul rarely left his laptop unlocked, especially while she was home. Many different reasons led to it being open though, mainly their drinking last night. He was completely drunk, and passed out on the living room floor. She did too, but woke first to her phone vibrating. The sound was never on anymore, she didn't want to be harassed about why she was on it, or who she was talking to. It was none of his damn business.

Beth only used it because hers was dead, she had forgotten to plug it in yesterday. There was something her partner wanted her to look up before heading in early, so by nature her intentions were good. Until she saw an icon flashing on the menu. Just to get it to stop, she hovered the mouse over it before clicking it. But she recognized the program, it was one they often used at her work when tailing someone undercover.

"What the hell..?" She mouthed before clicking it. A phone number showed up on the map, as with another number which she didn't recognize. Paul was tracking someone. Tracking her. It was her phone number. A shot in the dark told her the other number was her car, because of their proximity on the map. Glancing from the screen, she looked at his motionless body on the floor. This made no sense. Why would he be tracking her? Sure, some nights she wouldn't come home, but that wasn't any of his business.

There was no saying how long he'd been doing this, the spying. Beth's phone went off again, making her jump. "Shit." Instead of her eyes going to her phone they went to Paul, instantly. He was still asleep. Wiping her eyes, she opened her phone.

Well?

From Art. Cleaning her thoughts, she minimized the tracking program, as if having never touched it, then quickly checking into what Art wanted. Her fingers were shaking, moving sloppily as she messaged him back, sending many typos and errors.

She needed to leave, to get out of there before all hell broke loose from her. Anger was filling her faster than imaginable. All of the reasons to doubt Paul for having loved her reassured themselves. If Paul was tracking her, what else was he doing? She didn't have the time to dig through his laptop to see what other tabs he was keeping; the sun was rising, and that meant so was he. Quickly, however, she opened his email, still signed in, eyes scanning through the inbox, the sent- hell, even the spam. There had to be something. Was he cheating on her and feeling guilty, keeping tabs on her? It was no secret that there was a rift between them, that they weren't as close as when they once were. But there was nothing. Not a damn thing. Maybe on his phone? Just as she cleared the history and closed the browser, she heard Paul. Beth locked his laptop, and sprinted silently to their bathroom, closing the door and turning on the hot water to the shower with no intentions of showering, but to humidify the room quickly, as if she had taken one. Her hands wouldn't relax from clenched fists as she leaned over the sink. There was nothing more that she wanted to do than give Paul a kick in his balls, something. She wanted to hit him, to hurt him. Anything. Opening the cabinet she stared down the countless bottles of prescription with her name on them.

Just this once, she told herself. She needed to calm down before getting to work otherwise Art would know something was up. Taking a handful of various pills, she swallowed as many as she could before leaning over the sink, taking a mouthful of water and finishing them off.

"Beth?" There was a knock on the door, the handle jiggled but didn't open. Thank god she had locked it.

"What?" She shut the water off, trying not to sound as pissed off as she was.

"What are you doing up?"

"Getting ready for work."

"With the door locked?"

"Yeah. I, uh, didn't want any distractions." Grabbing a bottle or two, Beth shoved them into her pocket for later.

"You said you had the day off."

"Art called, he needs me at the station." She quickly brushed her hair, pulling it back so that she at least looked different from last night, even if the clothing was the same.

Paul wasn't too convinced about Art, but he wasn't going to push it with her. They had gotten into another argument last night, with her shoving him away at one point. They were drunk, she was probably high. It would have been her fault anyway, she was asking for a fight by being contrary to everything he said. He walked into the kitchen, opening his computer and unlocking it. Nothing out of the ordinary. As he loaded up his work email, he'd turned around to start some coffee.

The bathroom door opened, and thankfully Paul was nowhere to be seen in the bedroom either. Beth wasn't keen on sticking around, but needed to change her clothes, so she swapped out her shirt, and put on her coat before making her way to the front door.

"You're not even going to say goodbye?" Paul called out when he heard her keys.

"No, I'm not." The door shut harder than usual.

God, she needed out. As soon as Beth was in the car the tears began to fall again. Why was he tracking her? She should've just said something about it, called him out, but Beth couldn't bring herself to think or say anything rational. She was shutting down, especially when it came to their relationship. They were already hanging on to each other by threads, but now those threads were frayed, ready to split at any given moment. She shut her phone off and threw it across the car, at least while it was off he couldn't track it. Maybe while she was at work she could wrap her mind around all of this.

Art was being a pushover, a total jackass as always, somehow that brought comfort to her. It felt normal. He couldn't even tell she had been crying, so the pills must have been working. When she arrived at work she'd swallowed a few more, just incase. Beth was already becoming numb to the pain, and the medicine helped block it out, clearing her head so she could think clearly, even if the clearness she was seeking out was more of a fog. Emotionally, it helped her.

The computers were being updated today, that meant more of Raj being a pester. Art was right, he had a total boner for her. Somehow that might be an advantage to her today. Manipulation was easy, Beth had a lot of charm. He already liked her, so teasing him would be easy. Beth straightened her shirt, over her jeans, popping a button out to show off more cleavage.

"Heyy, Beth." Raj walked towards her desk, shutting down her computer.

"Raj, what's up?" It was a rhetoric question, cause she could care less about his life.

"Not much, just updating the software on this floor. Didn't you get the email?"

"Tsk, no. I must have missed it."

"Yeah, well it shouldn't take too long."

"Oh good." She reached back, messing with her hair, ignoring him the entire time.

"Say, I had a question. Maybe you could help me out?"

"Sure, what is it?"

Would you mind fucking off?

"Do you think you could wait until the end of the day to work on mine?"

"Uhh... I could, but the chief wanted them done first thing."

"C'mon, just for me?"

"Oh, well.. Alright. For you."

"Thanks, Raj."

All too easy. At least now the pester was out of her hair for the time being.

What else? There had to be more she could be doing. She was a cop, for Christ's sake. Beth could have Paul arrested for assaulting an officer. Something in the back of her mind said that was going too far, and that they needed boundaries. The day just needed to pass, the whole ruse of being at work was just to get away from Paul. Digging her fingers into the sides of her head, she hit her head against her desk repeatedly.

"Jesus, Beth." Angie muttered from behind, head over her shoulder as she stared at the younger woman. Great, now the bitch of the station was going to be up her ass.

"What do you want?"Beth nearly snapped, groaning as her face planted into the papers on the desk.

"Hey, just because you're in a shitty mood doesn't mean you take it out on me."

Beth could've made some snotty retort, but kept it in. Angie wasn't worth it, getting into an argument. That was bait she knew to ignore. She couldn't go on this way, being torn apart by everything she knew. The only thing on her mind was Paul. How he would so secretively betray her. Just as she had thought things were getting better between them. She needed to mask to pain within, quickly for her sake. Rising from her chair, Beth grabbed her coat and threw it on as she bolted in a speed walk to the stairwell. Somewhere, anywhere, her empty mind needed to be emptier.

Pounding within her head only made her walk faster, nearly jumping down each step. Beth wasn't quite sure where she was going, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

More rain. Did this city ever stop raining? It only added to the depressing mood Beth had fallen into. Why couldn't she have minded her own damn business, or blown off her partner? Her feet picked up the already fast pace before thundering down the streets. She was running, sprinting, trying to escape. The lightening overhead reverberated through the city, flashing all about.

Miles later, Beth finally stopped. There was a small diner, a hole in the wall sort of restaurant. Soaking wet, she stepped inside. It wasn't busy, just one other person, sitting at the furthest booth from the entrance, eating something that didn't smell too appetizing. The waitress that stood behind the counter looked no older than sixteen, probably someone who wouldn't ever amount to much.

"You got any coffee?" Beth asked, leaning against the second seat, directly in front of the girl who was too busy with her phone to even look up.

"What? Yeah. Gimme a minute." That's about all it took before she hurried to get her done and away with, so she could return to her phone, something much more important. Taking it, Beth sat facing towards the back wall. The mug was hot, the heat spreading among her water logged fingers.

Everything felt so empty, the pills must have been doing their purpose. Beth stared blankly at her shaking hands. Shaking from being cold, from the anger.

"You alright?" the waitress asked, staring from across the room. at first Beth had no idea why she was being asked this, but then noticed. Since when were tears falling down her cheeks again?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two:

"AWOL again? That little bitch." Art shoved Beth's chair towards her desk with his foot, kicking it away with anger.

"Something was on her nerves. You see her smashing her head in?"

"No, but I should be the one smashing it." Art picked up his desk phone once again, pushing the redial button with enough force to have broken it. That wouldn't be the first time he broke a phone either. Straight to voicemail. Where was his god damn partner, and why wasn't she picking up? He didn't have time for this shit.

"You'd better have a damn good reason for not answering this, Childs." The phone slammed into the receiver.

"Just turn her in. Beth needs to learn some responsibility." Angie was almost gloating.

"Do you think her car is still here?" Art managed to ignore her comment entirely, even though she was probably right.

"Maybe. Want me to send someone to check?"

"No, no. Keep this between us for now. You go and look, she always parks in the lot across the street, furthest row from the left, it's the Jag."

"Why can't you?" Angie almost came across like a child complaining they had to do a chore.

"Going to see if she found a lead or something on her computer."

"Fine."

The computer was in sleep mode, which Art almost had assumed it was off for the updates, but something made him not hit the power button first. Shit, she had many programs running. He almost didn't want to know why there were so many. But, he needed to know where his partner was. Curiousness or control? Each window was minimized, but that didn't stop him. It was her day off, she was only supposed to be in today to help Art search for a bit of lost information, but one thing led to another, and he accidentally had hooked her into working. Nothing too important open. Why didn't she just close this crap? The fourth was different. Her email, not work, but personal. Mostly spam, but one from Paul, dated today. Subject "urgent, Beth, please respond", he didn't have the time to look any further, to read what Paul mesnt- Angie was back.

"Car's still here, phone on the floor on the passengers side."

"Then where the hell is she?"

"I don't know, bathroom?"

"For the last twenty minutes?" A smile crept onto half of the detective's face as they laughed.

"She left in a hurry, wherever she went."

"What do you mean, you saw her?"

"No, I heard her, but she walked off quickly." Angie went to her own desk. "Like I said, she's probably out on a lead."

Beth's head was planted on the table, hidden behind her arms. She'd been crying again, undoubtably. Paul didn't trust her, but she couldn't think of a reason why he hadn't. The learning of her clones was probably the changing point. Although Beth could remember the lying began when they first had started dating; Paul probably had numerous reasons.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her second phone. No new messages. At one she was supposed to meet Katja, but didn't know where just yet. Katja liked their meetings to be discreet, in the open but hidden. Beth had to somewhat agree, if what Katja had been saying was true. Leaving some spare change on the table, Beth pushed through the door, heading back so she wouldn't be questioned. It wasn't any of her partner's damn business to know where she was at during all hours of the day, not even Paul. Her eyes burned, dry from the exhausting act of pouring her heart and soul out. Love made it hurt worse, the fight, arguing, and lying to get what was wanted. Beth loved Paul, wholeheartedly. They'd spent years together, since before he was drafted. Her chest ached at the thought of him, she was having pity, even if it put her through misery.

Pill after pill, she swallowed them down, hoping the feelings would drown themselves, disappear. That's what she told herself: they'll disappear in just a few more pills. Just one more. One more. Until finally the container was empty.

Just as the phone reached her pocket, it began ringing.

"Shit." She lift it, looking at the caller. Alison. Why would Alison be calling her?

"Hello, Beth?" The voice barely came through all of the static, the storm interfering on

"Alison? Hello? I can barely hear you." Beth waited on the line for a few more minutes with no response from the other end. The sound cut out continually before she ended the call and sent her a text:

"What's going on? Storms bad, no reception."

No response. A benefit to Alison calling was that it distracted her. That was exactly what she needed, what she was looking for, something the pills didn't help out with nearly enough, a good distraction. Taking care of Alison and her other clones was a damn good distraction, but it also was torture to her. To know someone had created her in a lab, they were probably keeping tabs on their subjects periodically, if not always.

"Katja's sick. It's serious. I'm worried."

Sick? Food poisoning or what?

"Meeting her later today." Speaking of which, Beth needed a car, preferably one that wasn't being tracked by Paul. Either a taxi or a black and white would have to do, both being an inconvenience. That would mean having to go back to work, if she didn't want to pay for a taxi. Pulling out some change, Beth payed for she coffee and went outside. Shit. There wasn't enough left for a taxi. Shit. Art would skin her alive- this meant she had to hightail it. The sidewalks were flooded where she was at, only adding to the list of why today was shitty, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing to her, it just meant she'd be soaked before getting back to work.

Well that sucked, the rain couldn't have been pouring down any harder than it was when she make the journey back. Not only was she soaked head to toe, Art was standing with folded arms at her desk, a deadly glare which made her almost turn back around. Instead, Beth's feet dragged her forward, towards yet another hell.

"Shut it, Beth," he'd cut her off right as she tried talking, and Beth knew to obey. "I don't want to hear a fucking word out of your fucking mouth. You're coming with me." He marched past her, a vice grip on her bicep as he pulled her violently into the elevator. Why, why, why did she cast this upon herself?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three:

Hell was brewing in Art's mouth, waiting to burn it's wrath on her. Even as the elevator had gone to the floor he'd select, he dragged Beth around like she was a detainee. Technically, she was his detainee. This was his way of showing authority, his seniority over her, that she was under him in the chain, even it they both were detectives.

"Art, let me explain."

"No. Shut the hell up."

The gun range? It had been a while since Beth was down here last, but why was he dragging her down here? Surely she'd find out soon enough, they were running out of room to walk to.

"Okay, enough." Beth finally yanked her arm from his grasp, rubbing the feeling back from the numbness, stopping dead in their tracks.

"What the hell did I do this time?"

"Oh?" Art could have chuckled, she was sure of it, but her anger was rising to his level. "What was that stunt you pulled? Bailing for the fifth time this month? Do you know how much I've had to cover or your ass?"

"I was out on a lead."

"Bullshit, Beth."

"I was!"

"No. You weren't. I don't know what the hell you were doing, and I don't want to know. All I know is -I- just covered for my partner Again. I know about the pills."

"Yeah?" He was bluffing, or at least she thought he was. No way in hell would he know she was back on god knows what medication, especially when she'd spent all day avoiding everyone.

"Oh, we're going to deal with your smart ass attitude now?"

"Apparently so."

God, he wanted to slap Beth across the face, but also he wanted to laugh about it. About the spat they were having.

"You don't even need them, Beth."

"I'm not even on anything! Christ. This isn't briefing, this is venting."

"Good god, you're full of shit excuses today, Beth." Beth knew that was the end of it, that he had finally cracked. There was something in his tone that almost came across giddy.

"You said what you wanted, so go."

"No, you shit, I'm not fucking done with you. You work your problems out on your own time, but right now we have a case we have to go to. So get your shit together in the car."

All of those pills she took, for nothing. She still felt the pain, the urge to cry every second. She was so weak, edging herself towards the ruin she knew was the end. In just the span of a day she had lapsed months of work away. She was sick of the desire to throw everything away, feeling expired and used.

"Why can't you sit still, shit head?" Art broke her concentration on nothing. It wasn't nothing, actually. She was conjuring up the easiest way to do it. Pills didn't work anymore, she was alone. Her gun would've been the easiest way to do it, but reflex stopped her. Maybe the worst was yet to come. Her life was less than a life to her, it was hell and torture.

"B-E-T-H."

"Was wondering when you'd use my name."

"Asshole. Keep your legs still, that," he pointed to her shaking legs, "is annoying as hell."

Beth tried to do as he asked, it was hard though, she was in shock, needing more medicine to pull her through the day, when actually she needed less- the overdose was flowing rapidly. She hadn't had the self control to stop taking them once she'd started. She needed an excuse for the withdraw.

"Sorry. I'm just cold cause my clothes are wet."

After that he'd basically benched her in the car all day. Thankfully when her pink phone messaged her, Art was nowhere near. The meeting with Katja had been cancelled, she was too sick. When Beth asked, no response. Blame the weather, but she knew that was bullshit.

The day slowed in her mind, taking hours, but everything was a blur. Finally, an effect from all of the medicine. She was finally forgetting what it was like to feel. Somehow it gave her serenity through the anxiety it also brought on.

"Art, I'm heading home." Beth announced. Actually, she wasn't, but told him that. She was losing him, getting away from the invisible leash, and trying her best to avoid the oncoming Raj at all costs.

"Hey." Raj shattered her chain of thought.

"Shit. Hey, Raj. What are you doing here?"

"It's the end of the day? I still haven't updated your software."

"Right, yeah. Thanks for holding off.

Damn it.

"I was wondering, a few of us are heading out after our shifts, did you want to come with us?"

You've got to be kidding me, Beth blinked, a blank stare right at the man.

"Uhh."

"Throw back a few? It'll be nice."

"Rain check." Hanging out with Raj and other coworkers wasn't at the top of her list of things to do tonight, but she didn't really have anything else planned, going home to Paul didn't perk her brooding mood either.

Beth had walked away, nearing the elevator when Beth called out for him, already internally regretting her decision. Turning back, Raj met her halfway from her desk.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I uhh.. Well, what time tonight?"

"9 maybe? We're meeting up at the Neolution club, it's a bit.. Different, but should be pretty sick."

"Alright. I'll see you there then."

A night out couldn't be that bad, lately she had become a recluse, just drinking alone with Paul or by herself. The group of people she met up with weren't exactly her friends, but she knew their faces well enough. Raj bought Beth her first two drinks, and that wasn't barely enough to start accepting the strange environment. Body modifications, probably something she wouldn't ever get used to seeing. The club was almost like a cult, with all of the strange things going on around them, but the loud music and alcohol was worth it. It was time to relax, and stop profiling the fucking freaks.

Drink after drink Beth allowed herself to get wasted, so far that she wouldn't want to remember who she was. Hell, if she wasn't a cop she would've already taken ecstasy or something else to have the day slip from her. Some part of Beth damned herself to not doing that, although she was essentially a hypocrite because just earlier in the day she was shooting up on prescriptions.

Raj had dragged her into the dance floor somehow, the alcohol not helping her in rejecting him. Between the loud music and the numerous amount of people dancing to it, she found herself dancing up against him. Now, Beth wasn't keen on flirting with Raj, especially since he could never keep his dick in his pants, but that didn't keep her from letting the music guide her closer. Personal proximities didn't exist here, and their hands found ways to each others body, moving with the beat.

"Beth, it was nice you came. We hardly see each other."

"I bet." As her eyes rolled, Raj leaned in closer, his mouth against the hair by her ear.

"It's nice to dance with a beautiful woman, especially you."

"I bet." She repeated herself, voice laced with sarcasm but she was certain that Raj was too drunk to catch that. He didn't, instead his hands found their way to Beth's hips, their bodies moving against one another's to the beat of the music. Although the idea of grinding against Raj's dick wasn't ideal, Christ did it have good effects on Beth. It had been a while since she was in a predicament like this, as intimate as their bodies were entwined. Alcohol, hormones, the fact she was pissed off at Paul, anything could've been an excuse as to why she enjoyed it, craved to feel another body that way. Paul never did anything like this. Beth accidentally moaned as he pushed his waist intrusively into hers. Her heart pounded faster, breathing stopping. Raj caressed her back a his hips moved in a circular motion, making Beth feel his want for her. Fuck. That's all she felt, her lustful hormonal impulses surged; her body lunged to be touched by his, to respond foolishly. Intimate attention was what she wanted, and hell, Raj was willing to give it like he'd been wanting to his entire life. A one nightstand couldn't be too bad, eh?

Bringing his hands around her sides, Beth coyly turned around and pressed her body up against his. Hair across her shoulder, she leaned back so his ear was directly by her mouth as she moaned. Beth wasn't entirely enjoying it, forcing herself to "like" what she was going through, telling herself that if she let go and relaxed that this would be fun. Besides, Paul was probably cheating on her anyway, why not act the same way.

Raj blinked rapidly, tightness within his jeans begged to touch Beth, to rub against her. Her actions were polar opposite as to what she was normally like, and that turned Raj on. Also, her forcing him to palm her breasts helped.

"You want to get out of here?" He choked out, crotch grinding circularly on her ass, creating an erection that was dying for attention.

"Yeah. Alright." Grinning, Raj grabbed her by the wrist to take her out and hailed a cab.

They hadn't even kissed, yet here they sat in the back of a taxi headed to Raj's house to have sex. People did this. Normal people did this. So many thoughts of doubt flashed through Beth's head, doubts about what she was about to do, how Paul would react, but she was done with him. To hell with Paul. If Beth wanted to live for once in her life, it would happen.

More blanking out as to what was actually happening, until when they had gotten into Raj's apartment, he was groping and fondling her body against the door. Her head was spinning and pounding, blood racing under his intrusive touch. With her head thrown back Raj was sucking on her neck, rubbing his crotch desperately along her thigh as if he had never humped someone before. His hand worked on taking his belt off, and pushing his pants low enough to get his throbbing erection out. Gripping her shoulders, he tried to give Beth the memo to get on her knees. After a moment, she did drop down. Eagerly, Raj tried moving her hair from her face. His dick in hand held in front of her, moving towards her mouth. Before Beth could react he had stuffed his cock into her mouth and let out a moan.

"Suck harder, Beth."

Maybe she wasn't drunk enough to go through, but something inside was telling her no. Much like whenever Beth had given Paul a blowjob, she was entirely hating this. It felt wrong though, and not a sexually pleasurable wrong. Beth had grabbed onto his hips, pushing back tightly as she spoke, gasping for breath.

"Raj, no. I-I can't do this."

"What?" He stared in bewilderment. "What are you talking about Beth? You don't have to give me a blowjob if you don't want to. We can stick with just sex, I've got condoms if that's an issue."

Shaking her head, Beth's fingers raked through her hair, pushing it from her face.

"Look, I can't have sex with you. Paul and I were fighting, I was pissed and wanted to spite him."

"I thought you guys were breaking up anyway? What's the big deal?"

"I love him. I can't fuck him over even if I want to. I have damn morals."

"Whatever Beth." Raj groaned, equally pissed at Beth as she was at Paul. He quickly fumbled with the lock on his door, shoving Beth off of it.

"Yeah whatever, go have sex with yourself."

"Stupid bitch, wasting my time."

Beth walked away. As soon as she was a "safe distance" away from his apartment she ducked besides the nearest building, and began crying slumped at the wall. Why was she always such a mess. Feeling like shit, Beth was letting the worst get the best of her. Right there in the dark of the night, in the middle of nowhere, she was having a crisis. Hands still shaking, she didn't have any pills left to calm her. She had nothing to help her. Pulling her phone out, Beth was going to grovel her way back to Paul. With her head too dizzy to function, she dialed blindly, praying he would pick up. When the phone stopped ringing and she heard a voice at the other end, Beth closed her eyes, hoping the tears would stop.

"Paul?–"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four:

"Paul? I need help."

"Beth? What's going on?"

"Oh Christ." Beth let out a sob louder than she would've ever wanted when she realized she had made a mistake. "Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm so sorry."

"What's wrong?" Panic flooded into her ear and that wasn't what she meant to happen. All Beth wanted was to go home. Once again Beth screwed up another thing. How could she misdial?

"Sweetie? Talk to me."

"Ali?"

"Yes, baby? I'm here. Tell me what happened." Alison was quiet, pacing in her basement. Beth sounded far from okay, and judging by her first few words spoken into the phone, Alison knew to worry.

"I'm so stupid. A fucking fuck up." Beth paused to breathe, finding it difficult while crying. "Shit happened so fast.. I just want this over."

Alison had been biting her lip nervously, when she dressed silently so not to wake up her boyfriend. Grabbing the keys to her car, she went to the garage and sat in her car. Beth needed her, it was obvious. Knowing that the girl was in some sort of emotional breakdown wouldn't sit right with her if she were to ignore it. Alison cared for Beth, a lot more than she cared to admit.

"Where are you at?" The engine started, and she slowly backed out, heading towards the city.

"On the ground."

Alison rolled her eyes. Finding Beth would be hard, especially at this rate.

"What's around you? Sweetie I need you to look around so I know where to go."

Blood rushed to Beth's head when she stood up, dizzier than before. Looking around she found it impossible as hell to see or read anything. Thankfully being a detective kicked in.

"No damn idea. Wait.. I see a train station."

"Okay. Good. Good. Beth, I want you to go there. I'll be there as fast as I can."

"You're not leaving me are you? Shit, I know I'm a mess but Christ."

"Nooo..." Alison nearly whined. The last thing she needed was drunk-Beth to hang up.

Alison managed to get Beth talking while she drove, trying her best to ease the situation Beth was going through. Alison didn't know too many details, because Beth wasn't being coherent, mainly using profanity like her life depended on it. Thankfully there weren't too many train stations, and Alison found Beth at her second stop. The detective was laying on a bench crying.

Rushing over to the girl, Alison motherly instincts kicked in and she began comforting her. They sat in silence (as silent as cry could be) for a long period before Alison worked up the nerve to ask Beth into her car. Stumbling to walk straight, Beth followed under the support of Alison's hands. Clearing her throat, Alison spoke timidly, trying her best not to agitate the drunk woman.

"I'm going to take you to my mothers townhouse. It's vacant right now, and you can spend the night." Beth still had yet to tell her why she was so pissed at Paul, but Alison cringed at the thought. From all of the stories she had heard about him she knew Paul wasn't the best. Hell, he was abusive emotionally and mentally, keeping Beth tethered under him. Paul always held her back and Alison never understood why Beth wouldn't leave him.

Like Alison had said, the house was indeed empty. Stumbling some more, Alison had Beth laying in bed, ready to pass out. Because of the unearthly hour of the night it had been, she also fell asleep.

Beth woke in a strange bed, alone. If the room had been hers she would've thought it all a bad hallucination, but the puffiness and dried feeling in her eyes, the pounding in her head, and the drawn out ache in her chest told her it was real. Alison was gone. She must've only dropped Beth off, she thought. Punching the mattress, Beth stared blankly before throwing multiple punches again, trying to get some form of a release from it. Nothing. Not only did she feel like shit before, her hand felt like shit as well. Pulling the phone from her pocket she sent an apology text to Alison, saying she would make it up to her. Once the phone was back in her pocket, a phone dinged from behind her. Turning to look at the nightstand, Alison's phone was set neatly on top. Feeling even more of an ass about herself, Beth got out of bed and started searching for Alison. As she was looking through the house she occasionally called out Alison's name, only to have the sound of her own voice hurting her head. She needed water as soon as possible.

"Fucking hell." She muttered quietly as she grabbed her head, making her way to the kitchen.

"Beth. You're awake!"

Alison was standing in front of her, and although their voices were nearly identical, Alison's gave her head no pain, rather peace.

"Hey.."

"I made you some coffee, if you'd like dear."

"Thanks." Beth forced a smile, barely managing one at all. Although she was unable to show it, Beth was grateful for the coffee. Alison was still sipping her first cup as Beth was nearing the end of her third, which left her laughing softly in amusement.

"You're such a cop, Beth."

"It's in my damn blood." She smiled shyly, uncharacteristically. Beth was feeling embarrassed about her situation, and being around Alison was giving her a guilty weight. Alison had sighed, and Beth knew what was coming, whether or not she was ready.

"I.. We can't avoid the elephant in the room any longer, Beth.. What happened yesterday? I'm worried about you."

Christ. Beth could feel all of her anger towards Paul filling in her chest as she thought back to what happened. Although mad at Paul, Beth couldn't bring herself to tell Alison every detail. Lying to protect her would be better than having Alison in a chaotic panic.

"Paul and I had another fight.. We were both drinking cause of it, he hit me." Before Alison could ask, Beth shook her head no. He hadn't hurt her physically, just emotionally as usual. "We kept arguing, eventually we passed out. I'd been avoiding him all day."

"When you called me, you asked for him. If you were avoiding him.. Why?" Beth shrugged uncomfortably, Alison reached forwards and touched her arm.

"I-I made a mistake.." Beth covered her face with her palms, trying to hide the shame she knew that would follow. Alison would soon think so poorly of her, she would know her insecurities, that she was a whore. It would destroy her integrity, as if all of the self pitying and crying hadn't already. "I wanted to get back at him, so I was going to sleep with someone from work. He'd gotten me drunk, like shit wasted. We went back to his apartment and I was going to do it but I couldn't. I just couldn't."

Alison moved and wrapped her arms around Beth, stroking and rubbing her back. She felt the pain that radiated off of Beth.

"What did Paul do that made you both start fighting?"

"He found out I was high a couple days ago.. It wasn't anything big, but he started being a dick about everything.. It escalated hella fast, and he hit me so I had a drink or two. He started drinking too.." Beth was tired of every time she was around Paul this would happen. Something in him changed, an recently too. They used to be close, almost inseparable. But now all they ever did was fight, usually with him winning. "When I woke up the next thing I know I was called into work.. You know the rest."

All Alison could bring herself to do was keep rubbing Beth's back. The cop had left her without any words, even though Alison was going through something similar.

"I've lost myself, Ali.." Tears painted Beth's cheeks.

"No you haven't. You're just hurting. We'll get through this, Beth, together. You'll be so much stronger in the end."

Somehow Beth smiled while shaking her head. Hell, she thought it was miraculous. Who could possibly smile at a time like this, yet alone make her smile? Alison always had that effect, wanted or not. The words ringing into her head felt far from true, but with the help and support she knew she would get from Alison, it felt real. Of course, Alison was never wrong in moments like this. Perfect god damn Alison. Not entirely keen on touching, Beth pulled Alison closer and sunk into her arms. It felt so right to know she was actually cared for, for once in her life. A pure caring too, not someone who liked her for their own benefit. Beth kissed the top of Alison's head after pulling away, trying to wipe away the mess of tears. She believed Alison, but that didn't make her feel any less embarrassed.

"Oh god. Is it alright if I clean myself up?"

"Yeah. The bathroom is the first door on the left in the hall."

"Thank you, Ali. For everything." Alison kissed her cheek before she walked down the hallway.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five:

Hot water poured down her back as she scrubbed away the filth of the nights before. Scrubbing off any memories of Raj and Paul touching her body. Beth wanted to be clean of everything, even them. After seeing what was on Paul's laptop, Beth had decided that was it. He'd done nearly enough shit to drive her away, and this time she was flooring it away as fast as possible.

Mere minutes after Beth entered the bathroom, Alison found herself alone, temptation itching it's way to her fingertips. She held a bottle of small white pills, weighing out the consequences. After giving Beth a talk about how she would get better, that being clean would help her, Alison stared hypocrisy in the face. Hell, Alison couldn't remember the last time she wasn't high. Her addiction started shortly after moving in with her boyfriend, Donnie, during her college years. He'd always made her feel basic, and that life was meant to be simple. It turned to hell though, with all of his restrictions and commands, how he demanded she live her life exactly how he wanted it. With the guilt from him (an unknowingly her mother) Alison felt hopeless to living a life apart from him. Her mother always said she wouldn't do any better, and that she didn't deserve better. Depression and anxiety had been taking the better of her, so she opted to ignoring it and hiding from her pain behind god knows what toxins. At least when she was high she didn't have any worries. Alison took the lid off the bottle and shook a few into her hand, eyes narrowing the substance.

Oh, how she just wanted to feel alive, instead opting for the fall.

Tuning out the rest of the world, Alison threw them into her mouth, and began swallowing with aid from a glass of water. Being the person she was, Alison watched the clock, counting down the minutes and seconds, waiting for the medicine to do it's intended purpose.

"Ali?" Beth repeated herself for the fifth time before finally catching her attention.

"Sorry, I zoned out. What's up?"

"I know I already thanked you, but.. That isn't enough for me."

"What do you mean?" Alison's eyebrows furrowed. Thank the pills for her incoherency.

"Iunno.. It's just.. Something you said gave me hope." Beth was apparently nervous, but she meant what she was saying. The coo definitely was nervous, no one chewed their lip that intensely. "I think I need to break up with Paul."

Blinking, Alison stared. Her heart began pounding faster. Good. Thank god. No- this was time for something special. Thank fucking god. Yep. Cursing was special for Alison. Withholding all of her excitement, Alison smiled shyly before nodding.

"He's changed, and even though I love him, he's like.. Like.."

"A drug?"

"Corny right?" Beth chuckled. God it was nice to finally hear a laugh. Small, yet beautiful. Beth hadn't felt as nice as this for months. Alison always brought out the best in her.

"I'm glad, Beth. I couldn't support your decision anymore than I do." Alison smiled, reaching for Beth's cheeks she kissed her forehead.

"Okay, mom, enough." Alison rolled her eyes and swatted Beth's arm jokingly. "Can I take you to breakfast, or do you have to go home?"

"Uhh.." Alison paused. Was being around Beth when she was high one of the best ideas? The girl is a cop, but she always let drugs slide. Who cares what you do to get off, as long as you aren't hurting anyone, Beth would always say. She probably was sharing in Cosima's weed. Screw it. If Donnie, the only reason why she would possibly have to turn down such a lovely offer, couldn't last a morning without Alison he was a failure. Alison was allowed to live her life, with or without him. "Sure Beth. I'd love that."

Their date had passed far too quickly for Beth's liking. She figured she would camp out at work the upcoming week to avoid Paul before she actually had the balls to leave him.

Alison, however, was struggling. She was spent. Not because she had stayed up plenty hours of the night cradling Beth, trying to restore her clone to somewhere peaceful, but in general. Alison was always known for spreading herself too thin and miraculously managing, but lately everything felt like it was crushing her. She would manage to sneak a drink here and there to escape. She felt like a prisoner at home, thanks to Donnie and her mother. Her friends constantly used her and spit her out after she'd help them. Finding out one of her friends friend was a drug dealer was possibly the best thing to ever happen to her. Ramon gave her different variations of happiness, and not once while she was on them did she notice her world falling apart. Not until she saw the same thing happening to Beth. Beth had self destructed because of various reasons, but Alison saw far too many similarities between her downfall and her own.

Giving Beth advice about how to get better felt so cynical, so wrong. Everything she said felt like lies.

Staring down Donnie later that night, Alison took a deep breath. She wasn't happy, not like this. She needed change, and starting with Donnie was one hell of a good place to start.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six:

"Enough!" Alison accidentally burst, raising her voice at Donnie's little tirade. He had been complaining nonstop since Alison had gotten home, and she was finally fed up with it. "Stop your bitching this instant."

"My what? Ali you know you're not allowed to speak that way."

"Your bitching. And yes I am, who are you to say otherwise? My mother? You're far enough up her butt, anyway."

"Ali!" Donnie's eyes widened, fists hitting the dinning room table as he stood up. "You know the house rules, there's no profanity in here. If you speak that way you'll be excused."

"What, now you're going to treat me like a child? My name is Alison, by the way, I expect you to call me that."

Donnie huffed, his cheeks reddening with anger. He looked as if he was about to blow a fuse.

"You're my girlfriend, Ali, I'll call you whatever I feel like."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

"Well not anymore." Alison stood as well, arms folded over her chest. Any nerves quickly faded behind adrenaline and endorphins. Was this what it felt like to live again? To be free? "I'm leaving."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me. I'm leaving. We're through, Donnie."

"Why?"

"Do you really have to ask why?"

Alison decided against explaining herself, she didn't need his sympathy, or anything from him. Alison was tired of being his perfect pet, his prized trophy. That wasn't Alison. Whether or not she knew who she was, she knew that wasn't her. Simply walking away from the table, Alison raced up the stairs to get her clothing. The awestruck Donnie hadn't bothered following her.

She could hardy control her fingers, the shaking was undeniably visible. Although Donnie hadn't followed her up she knew he would be there soon enough to try and "talk some sense into her". Hell, he had probably called her mother to have an intervention. She was right, entirely, when she said he was up her mothers butt, the man would bend over backwards to worship Mrs Hendrix.

Grabbing the last of every necessity she could, Alison made her way downstairs to see Donnie standing with his back to the door.

"Excuse me." Alison tried to get him to move so she could put her stuff in her car, but Donnie wasn't budging.

"Why are you doing this, Alison?"

"Because, Donnie, I'm not your property. You've treated me like that for months, and I've had a darn lot of patients until now. I'm a tolerant person, but I'm sick of this. You've made me feel like I'm nothing. You treat me like I'm nothing, Donnie. We're through."

"You're drunk, Alison. Yes I know all about your addiction. Go back upstairs, wait until you've sobered up because you're being hostile."

"I'm being hostile? Move and let me out, Donnie. I said we're through, so we're through with dating. There's no going back from this."

"You're being selfish. Think about all that we have."

"Had." Alison corrected. Finally he moved (out of defeat) and Alison packed her stuff. For the second time this week she was going to stay at her mothers townhouse, at least Donnie wouldn't have a clue that she was there.

Nights passed, and he had called her repeatedly, of which she ignored. Knowing his schedule had benefits, and she was able to pack up the rest of her belongings. For now she was safe, alone. But that's when she felt worst. Leaving Donnie was supposed to be uplifting. Sure, breakup's are a heartbreak, but Alison couldn't manage this. He was her first real relationship, not a college fling, or worse, a high school fling. They were serious, but her leaving was more serious. Alison had gotten more pills from Ramon, and allowed herself to become consumed. It wasn't until she passed out from an overdose, and nearly died that she realized how selfish she had been. Before the afternoon had come, and she had woken back up, Alison went to the hospital for help. It was time to get clean. No more lies, or sneaking around. After she was clean she would be free. Free to live, to breathe.

During the initial week, she called Beth once and let her know why she wouldn't be able to be contacted. Strangely enough, Alison only cared for Beth out of all of her friends. No one else understood what she was going through, that it wasn't a phase.

The first week turned to two, and then three. She knew it would take much longer to detox, so to say. At the end of her stay, Alison had chosen to cut all ties to her past life. Dwelling on what she had wouldn't change a thing, especially when she was more than that. She was ready to unlock herself, to reach all of her potential and happiness even with all of life's struggles.

Alison had found an apartment after her stay in the drug rehabilitation centre. Working from home always had it's perks, meaning she wouldn't have to go hunt for a job. She already owned a business that ran itself. And without having to support Donnie as well (not to discredit him) she would manage to save a bit.

What brought her back down to reality, from everything looking up in life, was one phone call. Not from her mother, not from Ainsley (the most obnoxious of neighbours), and not from Donnie. Beth had called her. Alison hadn't managed to get to the phone in time, and what she heard horrified her.

"Ali? I gotta know you're alive. Please. Something happened. Please call me back, anything. Oh Christ, hurry."

The few seconds ended, and Alison sat petrified. Pushing the redial button, Alison called Beth.

"Beth?"

"Where are you?"

"What happened?"

"Katja got shot. Shit, I think someone is hunting us. I've got to protect you, Ali. I need to know you're safe. I can only do that if I'm the one doing it."

"I'll text you an address."

"Okay." Beth hung up, loading her guns before she jumped back in the black and white. Lights flashed as Beth sped through the city towards Alison, constantly checking her surroundings to see if she was being tailed by anyone. No one yet, but Beth's paranoia levels skyrocketed. When she arrived, Beth unlatched her gun from the holster and made her way to the door. Knocking quickly, Beth kept an eye over her shoulder.

Alison opened the door and Beth quickly went inside, locking it behind her and moving to close any open windows.

"Beth what was that about? Katja was shot?"

"Yeah. Right in front of me. Art's working the case and is out on a lead."

"You need to slow down, Beth."

"I-I think you're in danger. Damn it, I can't lose you Alison." Beth had only ever used Alison's full name twice before, and it meant she was serious. Nodding, Alison went to get her gun while Beth kept peering through the small cracks within the window shades, gun drawn.

Twenty minutes passed before Beth relaxed enough to holster her gun and look away from the window.

"I'm sorry, Ali. I shouldn't just.. Fucking jump you like that. I was worried."

"No, it's okay. You have every right to do so." Beth sat down, facing the door incase anyone were to enter.

"Ali..?" Finally meeting her eyes, Alison saw she was crying. When, Alison didn't know, she was also staring out the window trying to aid the detective.

"What's wrong?" She set her gun down beside Beth's leg, holding her cheeks to calm her.

"I can't lose you. I keep having these nightmares, and then the shit with Katja, leaving Paul. Everything. I feel I'm being hit by a train of stress."

"I'm safe now, though. You're with me."

"Are you? I have doubt in myself, Ali."

"I don't. I've never doubted you Beth." Shrugging, Beth leaned forward. Why couldn't she just hide from the world, from whatever was wrong. "Look at me. I want you to call your partner and ask for an update. You said he had a lead?"

"It was a stretch.."

"So? Call." Doing as she was told, Beth reached into her pocket for her phone.

"Anything yet?"

"Jesus Beth, no."

"Don't give me shit about this, you're not the one who's gotten shot at twice this week." From across the room Alison shuttered in horror, her hand clamping over her mouth.

"Once."

"Yeah. Whatever. Call me when you catch this son of a bitch."

"Did you go off the grid?"

"Yeah."

"Keep the faith, Beth. I'll get him. No one shoots my partner except me."

"Don't be a sap." Beth ended the call, putting the phone back into her pocket. When she looked up at Alison, she muttered shit under her breath.

"Look, I-"

"-You were shot at? Twice?! Beth!"

"God damn it, Ali, I didn't want you worried."

"Like hell you didn't! Beth! Do you know what I would be going through if you were shot, or even killed?"

"Something like this? Jesus."

"Don't be smart with me."

"I'm sorry Ali, I know I should've told you, but hear me out."

"Fine." Alison folded her arms across her chest. Beth wanted to look and see if Alison was tapping a toe impatiently, but she couldn't tear her eyes away.

"I had picked Katja up to get the briefcase, and just after she got into my car someone shot her. I managed to drive away, but I had to phone it in. Art and I found a blind."

"Blind?"

"Where a sniper shoots from. I thought it was Paul because shit went sideways when I left him, so we put him in custody, but then we were out on a stolen bike hit, we both got shot at. The guy got away, but I'm pretty sure I'm next on his list."

"Were the two connected? Katja and this bike?"

"It's hard to say. Art doesn't think so, but shit, like he knows?" Art didn't begin to have the tip of the iceberg, how would he have an idea? He thought his partner was just unlucky, that both shootings were coincidence. Nodding slowly in acceptance, Alison visibly was calming down from whatever state she had escalated into.

"I'll keep watch."

"What?"

"I'll keep an eye out? You need a break, Beth, the last thing we need is both of us having a breakdown."

"Ali, just let me.."

"No." Pissed off still, because Beth was withholding information that seemed pretty damn critical, Alison wasn't willing to back down. "There's food in the fridge, I made it lastnight. Please eat something Beth, then maybe rest for a while. You can have the next shift."

Without arguing, Beth gritted her teeth together for a moment before caving in. Alison was right, if they were going to be surveilling their surroundings throughout the day, possibly night, that meant they would have to take shifts. And a tired, hungry relief wasn't going to do any good.

It took two days for Beth to acknowledge that whoever was shooting at her hadn't followed her, or managed to find her if they had been. She awoke to a pot of coffee, brewed just for her apparently, as Alison was sitting slightly behind the door, waiting for someone to come. She had taken her "responsibility" quiet well and serious. If their lives hadn't been in danger, Beth would've acknowledged just how adorable and cute she found it. Rather, she had compartmentalized the thoughts away for a later moment. That didn't mean the thoughts didn't linger, however.

"Hey Ali?"

"Yes dear?" Alison head turned to the girl which was sitting directly beside her.

"Where are we even at?" Beth took a sip of her coffee.

"My apartment."

"What do you mean? Like a spare one?"

"No.. I-I left Donnie." Alison spoke, trying to sound confident.

"Shit Ali, no way." Beth tried to withhold how proud she was sounding, but failed pretty miserably. He was deadweight to Alison, never giving her and respect, any room to breathe. She was like a slave to him (in Beth's eyes).

"Yeah."

"What made you do it?"

"So much.. I wouldn't know where to begin without wine," Beth chuckled, slipping an arm around her shoulders to hug her.

"You're better off without him."

"Oh believe me, do I know. Do you want to know what the final straw was?"

"What's that?"

"He tried to send me to our room for saying bitching." Beth choked on her coffee, stifling her laughter behind the mug.

"Jesus, what a prude." Alison was frowning at her. "Ali,." Beth shot her a sympathetic glance before kissing the side of her head.

"You're not a child, and you have a right to speak as freely as you wish. And him to send you to your room? He's a pussy. A pathetic man. Alright?"

"No, you're right.."

"Too early?"

"Just a little."

Beth closed her in a hug, kissing her forehead. Afterwards she smoothed her bangs back to perfection, muttering about how perfect they were. Somehow Alison always found Beth's humour enlightening. Of course Beth always knew when to use it to lighten the mood. Pulling away, Beth walked to the counter to get her phone. No updates from Art yet.

"There's something I need to do at work today." Beth announced as she set her phone down.

"What's that?" Alison crossed her arms over her chest, walking over to Beth.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven:

God, did Alison have to ask that one question? Sometimes it felt like she would read her mind and then do the polar opposite.

"I need to check a few thing, see if Art has any leads?" Beth began fidgeting with her hair. Was it obvious that she needed to get out for a few minutes? Not that she minded being around Alison, hell, she enjoyed being with her. But that was her problem. Somehow, within the past three days (and frankly every time before that) Beth felt abnormally aware of how she felt around Alison. Every smile, arm swat, cup of coffee brought over. Anything. Everything. It felt weird. Like it gave her hope, happiness. Beth couldn't put her thumb on it (more like she wanted to avoid it).

"Will you come back afterwards?" Alison looked worried. Shit. That wasn't what Beth had wanted. Reaching out, Beth took her hand in hers, squeezing gently.

"Later tonight, alright?"

"Okay." Alison smiled in relief.

Neither women had let go, and that left Beth curious as to what she was thinking, what she was feeling. They were clones, but that didn't mean accidentally developing feelings for the other was wrong.. Was it?

"Ali.. I don't want you to think I'm keeping you caged in here."

"You're not. We were in danger."

"Okay. Just if you leave, try to be surrounded by people, alright? It's just.. Both times I was shot at I was secluded and away from everyone. I don't want to take any risks."

"That makes sense. Do you want me to call or text you?"

"Would that be too much to ask?" Beth smiled nervously.

"Of course not, sweetie. How often, every hour?"

"That sounds perfect."

After the conversation died out, Beth motioned towards the door, and Alison brought her into a hug. Damn, Beth thought, as she admired how long it was. Much longer than any other hug she had received before.

No, Beth had to tell herself. Don't read too into it, Alison just doesn't want to lose you.

As Alison clutched Beth, she was silently praying that Beth wouldn't have to be gone for too long. Gosh, if anything were to happen to her, Alison would be alone.. Alison couldn't help holding on though, being this close to someone who you like, who actually cares and wants the best for you. Cheeks red, Alison knew not to think about Beth that way. They were sisters? The word felt foreign, because they weren't. It was complicated. Avoiding the C word made it very complicated.

"Stay safe, Beth."

"You too Ali," Beth opened the door and left. She had called another officer in to pick up the black and white, which meant she was stranded at Alison's apartment. She hiked down the street a ways, checking over her shoulder subtly. Still paranoid, but not nearly as bad as before.

When she was back at her desk, she had a short wait till Art got back. Hell, it was even nice to see Angie. Without a word, Beth was smirking to herself, kicked back easily in her chair. All she could think about was Alison. Pulling out her pink phone, she awaited a text from her with her eyes closed.

"Since when is my partner a pansy?"

"You love that I'm badass." Beth sat back up, looking over at him.

"Pink? Really? The matching phone is a real killer." He sat at his desk, propping open a few folders. Beth furrowed her brow, looking down at her clothing. Shit. Alison's shirt.

"I didn't even know you owned any pink."

"I don't." Beth absentmindedly responded, which she instantly regretted. Art raised a knowing brow and smirked.

"What's your girls name?"

"Whatever dipshit. You catch that bastard, or do I still need to lay low until that shit blows through?" Beth changed the topic, trying to hide her blush. So what if she shared clothing with alison, having a crush on Alison.. Fight the blush..

"First lead was a bust, but there was a witness. We're looking for a blonde woman, mid twenties."

"Alright. Anything else?"

"We staked out her apartment, but I don't think the tweaker will be back, especially after shooting us."

"It's probably burned by now."

"Yeah."

"Hey, Art?" Beth nervously picked at her fingernails, voice hushed to almost nothing.

"What?" He hadn't even looked up from his folders.

"I'm going to go on leave, for a couple months."

"You're really going to let this prick get in your head?"

"What else can I do? Last time I went to the shrink I was shooting up on all of the shit she gave me." Art gave a sideways glance at Angie before motioning for Beth to join him elsewhere. Even though they had began whispering, he didn't want Angie to begin listening in. Once out of earshot they continued.

"You could, oh, I don't know, trust your god damn partner."

"Art I do, but this shit is all in my head."

"So trust me, Angie, even yourself to get her. Are you clean?"

"Of course I am. That doesn't help with the anxiety attacks every two minutes. I don't feel safe."

"And leaving is the best answer?"

"What else can I do?"

"Grow a fucking spine, Beth. You aren't a coward. I get it. We both got shot at, you twice. That happens in our line of work, and I guarantee you that this won't be the last time either."

"You're right."

"My favourite words." Art didn't even smirk like he usually would have.

"Don't be a dick about it."

"I've got your back, Beth. How about for the next week you stay benched in the office, looking for any leads."

"Fine. You're still a dick." She muttered under her breath as they walked back to their office floor.

"Pink really is your colour." He teased, to which Beth punched his arm.

Thinking back to Art's teasing of Alison, Beth bit back a smile. She had come to terms with what Alison was to her, at least somewhat. Her crush. Oh, were those words close to "hers". It had been a long time since Beth actually felt something for someone. Paul and her had stopped a long time ago, with Beth feeling almost dependent of him. That's why she stuck around with him for so long, because she needed to feel something, and often prayed she would with him.

True to her word, Alison texted Beth every hour, punctual as ever. As the hours passed into the night, Beth couldn't help but be excited that the day was over. She took a taxi near Alison's apartment,walking the rest of the way. Messaging Alison, she waited outside until let in. Alison had hugged her once the door was shut, why, Beth didn't know, but she certainly revelled in it.

"What's this about?"

"I know we were texting throughout the day, but I'm relieved you're actually here, Beth."

"Yeah. I had the same feeling."

"Did any new information come up?"

"There was a witness, and they gave a pretty good description of the shooter."

"Oh, that's good news! Right?"

"Mmhm. There's a few undercover officers out, and a stakeout set at the apartment. I honestly think it'll be a bust, but there's always a shot in the dark."

"Why so negative?" Alison offered Beth a beer, even though it wasn't her choice of drink. She'd bought a few earlier in the day, knowing that Beth usually would have one after a stressful situation to wind down. Taking a few gulps, Beth sunk into the sofa, arm stretched across the back.

"Only an ass would make a mistake like that. Shooting police, and then returning? Fucking moron." Beth chuckled slightly.

"Oh." Alison tilted her head to the side while thinking it over, then nodding in agreement.

"It's cute when you're innocent." Beth absentmindedly commented, finishing off the beer.

"Oh shush."

"Did you want me to stay the night again?"

"Of course. I mean, we're both still in some sort of danger, right?" Beth shrugged.

"Honestly? I don't know."

"Stay as long as you feel content to. Even if it's safe, you're always welcome."

"Are you implying something, Ali?" Beth was joking, of course, but god, did she wish she wasn't. Her doubt of having a crush always went away when she saw her, reaffirming herself. Alison only rolled her eyes, turning she went to the fridge, mainly to hide her blush. Grabbing another beer for Beth, she also poured herself a wine.

"Thank you, Ali. For everything."

"You're the one protecting me.."

"Yeah, but that's not what I mean."

"Then what?"

Sighing, Beth was most definitely grateful for the second beer.

"What I mean is, just seeing you, knowing you're protected by me, and that you can keep yourself.. God. I don't know how to put it. I feel so steady, just knowing that you're alive. You let me stay here, you stood up for yourself with Donnie."

"Beth..?"

"If anything happened.. Just thank you for being here." Alison could've sworn there was more that beth was trying to say, but she couldn't seem to speak. Smiling, Alison wrapped Beth in another enduring hug.

Later that night Beth was nearly passed out on the sofa, more drunk than she intended to get. Alison had brought a blanket to her, wrapping it around and under her. Beth was limp and heavy, entirely unconscious. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Alison settled for going to sleep in her bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight:

Settling, that's what she had done. They had spent the night drinking, Alison had even gotten Beth to laugh a bit. After not too long Beth had laid down, eventually falling asleep mid-sentence. Alison easily could have taken advantage of Beth's position, and snuggled into her arms as she lay very open on the sofa. So inviting, but Alison couldn't bring herself to do such a thing. What would Beth say when she woke? They'd held each other in their sleep before, to stop one another from their nightmares. Beth always had them, and Alison would jump to her safe from her mind, soothing away any and all problems.

Woken by the sound of vibrating, Alison entered the living room to find the source. It was Beth's phone. Shortly after it stopped vibrating against the glass table, it started again. Beth hadn't moved, completely not phased. Walking closer, Alison tapped her arm. Nothing. Kneeling over, she pushed the hair from the cops face, finally receiving a response.

"Shit."

"Shit...? Really?"

Beth's face began to stir, wrinkling before ejecting a yawn.

"What's up, Ali?"

"Morning lightweight. Your phone."

"Ah.. Definitely shit." Beth smiled sleepily before taking the phone.

"Detective Childs." Always professional. Alison backed away smiling, proceeding to make some coffee.

"No, are you kidding me? Took you assholes long enough. I'll come by in the afternoon." Although Alison only heard half of the conversation, she could tell by the way Beth was handling the call that it was her partner.

"Because I'm busy, dipshit." Definitely her partner.

Beth sighed before tossing the phone gently onto the glass table by her feet.

"I'm guessing you have work?"

"Yeah." Beth halfheartedly shrugged, walking over to the mugs Alison had gotten out, waiting patiently. "Some news though."

"Mm? Good?"

"Yeah. They caught the son of a bitch." Beth was biting her lower lip. Alison's head jerked towards Beth, eyebrows springing up.

"Are you serious?"

Beth nodded. Before she could stop her, Alison had engulfed Beth in such a relieving hug. Alison was radiating. Of course she was. Without thinking, Beth took ahold of her cheeks and kissed her. When Alison didn't pull away or react, Beth wondered if it even happened. Separating their lips, Beth opened her eyes to a very red Alison, knowing damn well that she herself was also blushing. Alison had licked her lips, about to say something, but withheld the comment. Instead, she offered a smile and brought Beth back into a hug. Slipping her arms around Alison's neck, Beth was glad to hide in the arms of someone she loved, especially after making such a fuck up of a mistake as kissing her.

"You're safe now, Beth."

"We are.." Rolling her eyes, Alison smiled and pulled away, continuing the process for their coffee.

Being observant as always, Beth noticed just how anxious and fidgety Alison was. Maybe Beth hadn't been around her nearly enough in the mornings to know what she was like, but she sensed it wasn't like this.

"Ali, I'm going to take a shower really quick."

"Alright. Do you want me to bring it to you when it's finished?"

"No, that's fine, I'll uh.. It'll only be a few minutes."

When the bathroom door closed, Alison's facade fell entirely. She shakily breathed out, nearly gasping for air again. Hands began shaking, vision being a blur. Her heart was pounding. Unholy fish sticks, Beth f-n Childs kissed her! Right on the lips! That was the last thing she had expected to happen. Ever. Golly, that meant Beth had to like her. She had too. Right? Alison pressed her fingers to her wrist and checked her pulse, trying her best to slow her breathing and contain her excitement. Taking a sip of her own coffee, she set out to prepare one for Beth. Not even five minutes passed of the water being on before Beth shut it off. Alison paced around her living room before conjuring up possibly her worst idea ever. She needed to know if Beth's kiss was just an accident, if she was overly excited and celebrating, or if she shared the same feelings.

Knocking quickly, Alison tried the handle before waiting for an answer (or time for herself to back down), much to her liking, the door was unlocked. It opened and revealed Beth standing over the bath, patting her hair dry. She had her eyes closed, clearly zoned out as she didn't hear knock, but when the door opened she felt the rush of cold, new air. Turning to see what was wrong (because only a cop would jump to that conclusion) Beth stared with a panic towards Alison. About to say something, she was cut off by Alison kissing her. Unable to speak, move, anything, Beth stood lost in the moment. God, were Alison's lips soft, so perfect.

Nope. Nope. Abort. Alison couldn't handle her nerves. She needed a shot, a glass of wine, something! Anything! Urgently. She was kissing Beth, and it wasn't going how she had planned at all. Not a single reaction from Beth. She'd messed up. Somehow. Great, it really was just a celebratory thing. Alison's face was deep red, scorching from how embarrassed she was.

"Here's your coffee Beth. I figured it couldn't wait." Leaving as fast as she could, Alison was quickly out the door.

Groaning a few curse words, Beth wasn't about to chase after her in just a towel.

"Alison?!" Beth yelled through the door. "Would you give me a moment?" She was scrambling to put her clothing back on, not caring how wet her skin had previously been. As fast as lightening, Beth was out of the bathroom, searching the apartment for Alison, only to find her sitting on her bed, looking horrified.

"Ali?" Beth was biting her lip again.

"I'm sor-" Alison paused herself, breathing in to compose herself. No. She wasn't about to apologize for kissing Beth. Much like Cosima had once said when she announced she was a lesbian, she wasn't going to apologize for her heart. "- Beth.. We're adults, we can just.. Talk about this, right? No uncomfortableness?" Please..

"Of course.." Beth pushed her wet hair from her face, dropping to her knees as she held Alison's hands. Although it was Alison's idea to talk about it, she was at a loss for words. Nothing was coming from her mouth, even as she tried to speak. When her wandering eyes looked down to Beth, everything clicked in her brain.

"I love you, Ali. I'm so damn far past liking.. Infatuated. God. I'm crushing so hard for you, it fucks me up when I walk in a room and see you, hear you. Anything."

Eyes beaming, face radiating. Alison's heart nearly couldn't take all of the excitement. No one had ever spoken to her that way (Beth's crass language wasn't even offending her), not Donnie, not her former boyfriends. Not a soul. But at her knees.

"I can't keep my mind, hands, eyes of of you. God, it's impossible. Please, say something so I don't feel like a dipshit rambling on and on.. You did kiss me, Ali. I don't see this.. Connection as a one way thing. You do the same, that or I'm the shittiest detective. Us being clones doesn't even matter, cause I don't see you as my cl-" Alison covered Beth's mouth gracefully with her hand, trying to silence the woman; not disrespectfully in any way. When Beth's muffled mumbling came to a stop they looked at one another. Lifting her up, Alison kissed her. Arms tangling around each other as they lay down against the bed kissing, Beth smirked and pulled back only to tease Alison.

"I thought you wanted to talk."

"You and your lips changed my mind." Knowing damn well that Alison was a flustered mess, Beth captured her for many more kisses.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine:

"Jesus, what's with you? You're acting like a damn teenager that's head over heels." Rolling her eyes, Beth ignored her partner and continued to process the information into her computer. When had a smile been on her lips? Hell, it was the first time that she'd caught herself smiling for no reason in a long time. She'd spent the morning entwined at the mouth with her girlfriend (was she that?) (maybe her lover? Lover sounded nicer. Either way Alison was hers) which summited her mood and endorphins beyond imaginable. Shaking her head, Beth fought back her grin, trying to contain her thoughts.

"I'm just about finished here."

"Yeah?"

"You and Angie want to hit up Fong's (¿Phong's?) after?"

"I'm down for that." Angie chimed in from her corner as she leaned back in her chair, swiveling it to look at the other detectives.

"I can't. Maybe next time."

"Next time? Beth we caught the guy, that calls for some sort of a celebration."

"You disappear from the radar for two days and now you've suddenly got a date?"

Fighting off a blush, Beth turned around as well to face Angie and Art. "Sort of, yeah. How else do you think I was gone for almost three days? You didn't think I spent it alone, did you?"

"Are you back with that asshole Paul?" Angie asked. Not that she actually cared about Beth's sex life, or for Beth in general, but she was in a good mood after being the one to make the arrest.

"Fuck no. Shit went sideways with him; he'd screwed me over enough times."

"Good."

"Fucking douche." Art chimed in, typing away.

"Drinks are on me next time, though."

"Damn, Childs. I'm holding that to you."

Within minutes the three went their separate ways. Actually only Beth went away alone, Art and Angie decided they both still wanted to eat. Beth felt as ease as she drove to see Alison. The fog of paranoia that clouded her was gone, instead Beth was noticing life around her. Crime still existed, but she knew for now that Alison was safe.

Being greeted at the door with a kiss (quite a few, actually) felt more right than any minute spent with someone else. When Beth held the precious woman she felt grounded. Alison made her strong enough to face anything, anyone.

A/N

 _ **Sorry I ended this chapter short, I felt it didn't need more.**_


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